The Light (Poem)

Posted on by Paul.E.Bailey

(TRIGGER WARNING–Reference to suicide)

I sigh with relief as it closes in,

That light I’ve long yearned for within.

I stretch my arm and extend my hand,

I close in on the conclusion of my plan.

The suffering,

The pain,

The struggling,

The shame,

It all ends here tonight.

I smile with sheer delight.

The end glows as it approaches,

It’s enriching and warm as it encroaches.

What’s this? No! It cannot be!

An unseen force is denying me.

The light dims, the warmth grows cold,

“Hang in there,” from a distance I’m told.

I fight to return to the heavenly glow,

But it’s gone now, that I surely know.

The person looking at me seems relieved,

My empty life they’ve just retrieved.

This would’ve been much simpler with a gun,

It would seem my plan has been undone.

For now…

17 thoughts on “The Light (Poem)”

  2. This is a really great description of how it feels to have the beautiful escape of suicide snatched away. (I say that, as this has happened to me). When suicidal, suicide is so inviting- when not suicidal, suicide seems abhorrent. You’ve done great to write about something as sensitive as this, and write about it so well. Love it. 💛

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    1. I’ve contemplated suicide in the past, though never really intended to go through with it. I couldn’t. There’s too much for me to try and achieve, too many people I don’t want to never see again. It wasn’t tough to get into the mind-set of a suicidal person. I mean, of course they crave death. That’s surely the whole point. I can also imagine the crippling disappointment of being ‘rescued’. I’m glad you liked it, both in light of your personal experiences and my entry level poetry skills. Haha.

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      1. I like your poems. In truth I have suicidal ideation this morning 😔 I’m tired from using all my coping strategies for 11 days on the trot to deal with extreme distress, yet still feeling absolutely undilutedly shit. I experience suicidal thoughts LOADS. Death is a beautiful prospect when I feel like this. I made a pact with Mark that I wouldn’t attempt again though, so I do all I can to stick with that, but it’s bloody hard 😢😔

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      2. I really can only imagine your dilemma. It’s really quite heart breaking 😦 My contemplation of suicide has only ever been mild and fleeting. It’s always one of those “Maybe I’d just be better off dead” moments that I immediately feel bad for, especially since becoming a dad. Funny how I feel bad over just a passing thought that I have no intention of acting upon. If that isn’t some kind of conditioning, whether social or otherwise, then I don’t know what is.

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      3. Guilt and suicidality come hand in hand. No suicidal person contemplates it with malice towards others, only in the movies anyway. I feel terribly guilty for my suicidal thoughts too, every time I look at my kids, but they are the reason I don’t act on them. Thoughts aren’t wrong, it’s the actions that cause the havoc.

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      4. That’s the problem I have with modern society. Thoughts are getting deemed as wrong more and more as time passes. You can’t have an opinion or a say on anything these days without somebody telling you you’re wrong or immoral. The problem is you can no more control your thoughts and feelings than you can control the weather.

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      5. Yes I think social media is largely responsibility for that. When people express themselves with the written word (as most of us do on our keyboards) it seems so black and white and certain, so people like to directly refute it with their own views of certainty. Debate online is harsher than face to face I think, as there are no non verbals. I like your analogy of thoughts and feelings being as uncontrollable as the weather 👍

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      6. Social media is wholly responsible for my money. It was never like this beforehand. Now I’ve finally realised the distinction between left and right wing (I hadn’t previously through intentional ignorance) I’ve come to realise just how shitty people are in general and that their views are very rarely their own. They’re just copied and pasted from who/whatever has influenced them. I’m especially aggravated by the non-gender movement of late, but that’s another story altogether. Point is that people aren’t prepared to think for themselves nowadays, though perfectly happy to argue the toss on social media about shit they don’t even understand.

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