From the top I would just like to say that this post is nothing but a whole bunch of nonsense and I am literally only writing it for the sake of doing so because it’s in my head.
I recently purchased the game Dead Island for my PS4. I loved it so much on the PS3 that I thought I’d get the remastered version given that there still isn’t a release date for Dead Island 2. I needed my zombie slaying fix one way or another.
If you haven’t played Dead Island then you likely won’t know that it is set on a fictional island called Banoi near Papua New Guinea and the zombie plague is as a result of a mutation of kuru; a disease native to PNG. The capital city of the island is called Moresby; a direct reference to Port Moresby which is the capital city of PNG. I’m still not entirely sure if the Moresby in the game is actually Port Moresby, but I can’t find any references that say it is.
I know decidedly little about Papua New Guinea. In fact, it seems few do. All I know is that it is a developing nation, crime is absolutely rife in the towns and cities, it has an HIV/AIDS problem that is so great that it’s at epidemic levels, more languages are spoken there than in any other country in the world and the greatest concentration of its seven million inhabitants live in rural areas. That’s all I know without summoning the powers of Wikipedia.
On one hand I am quite interested to visit the place one day. On the other the mere prospect fills me with dread. Malaria is a massive issue over there as well as the aforementioned HIV and AIDS so I’d need to face my irrational fear of needles before I did go. Naturally I’d stay the hell away from any broads that gave me the come on! It is a country that intrigues me though because of how undiscovered it is. It’s alleged that it is home to many undiscovered species of flora and fauna. You don’t often hear of people saying they visited Papua New Guinea do you?
So I suppose you could say the nation is on my list of places to visit, but warily so. If I saw anybody infected with kuru while I was there I would likely jump on the first plane back to blighty and hide under my duvet for a few weeks such is my zombie obsession.
Anyway, having played Dead Island most of Wednesday (I might have stayed up til 2:30am playing on it) and thinking of the game’s setting, I decided I’d have a look at what countries my blog has been viewed in after sorting out chapter five of Find Me a Find. Guess what country doesn’t feature on the list? Yup; Papua New Guinea! That was the one country I was looking for of course. The countries on my stats that have racked up one view thus far include Slovenia, Jersey, Fiji, Nepal, Sri Lanka and, Papua New Guinea’s next door neighbour, Indonesia. There are others too, but the fact that I haven’t had one person from PNG view my blog disappoints me.
So this is an appeal to the good people of Papua New Guinea. All I’m asking is that one of you click on the link to my blog just once so that I can proudly state that my name has been seen over there. While we’re at it I’m appealing to the folk of Chile, Bolivia, Venezuela, Iceland, Denmark and Faroe Islands too. Don’t be nasty and just give my humble little blog a look over. Most important though is Papua New Guinea. I desperately covet a view from over there. It’s the least you guys can do. On Football Manager I created a player called Solomon Ukanga from Papua New Guinea who’s an international superstar, a two time leading European Champions League goal scorer, a two time European Champions League best player and Oceania Player of the Year. I’ve scratched your back so now it’s your turn to scratch mine.
While we’re on the subject, I believe The Bahamas owe me a click too. I’ve written a goddamned novel that’s set in Freeport for a good third of the story so I think somebody from that neck of the woods should definitely get to clicking on my blog also. If Trinidad & Tobago and Jamaica can amass three clicks between them then I’m quite sure you lot can bring yourself to do it just the once.
This concludes my appeal. You have your orders Papua New Guinea and The Bahamas. Don’t disappoint me. Make today the day where you bring a smile to the face of an average white guy from Ashton-under-Lyne, Greater Manchester, UK. If you know anybody from either of the nations (or any of the others mentioned above) then do me a solid and get them to check out my blog. Thank you in advance.