Eyes on Her (Flash Fiction)

Check out the first story, Eyes on Me, by clicking the link.


I see her again. She’s on the dancefloor now with her two friends. They’re both very pretty girls. At least they would be if not for the trowelled-on makeup and fake hair. That really doesn’t do anything for me. That’s exactly why the one they’re both with stands out to me. Her hair is her own. Her makeup is tasteful and minimal. She has on these funky glasses that magnify her eyes a touch, but they’re gorgeous eyes. Magnify them to the size of the moon for me!

She’s not the tallest of girls and she isn’t the slimmest either, but just like the hair and makeup queens, skinny girls hold no water for me. That’s not to say that this girl is especially big. She has a nice big backside, hips I could hold onto tightly all night and, dare I say it, huge boobs! I love her milky complexion too. It’s in contrast to her dark hair. Yes, this girl is sexy. She definitely doesn’t know it though.

The music is decent and I’m doing the best I can to dance along to it with my boys. I’m trying not to make it obvious that I’m looking at the girl, but it’s hard for me to tear my eyes away. She looks out of place, but in the most delightful way. Shaun says something to me that I can’t hear over the music, but I laugh and nod and that seems to meet with his approval.

Again, I catch myself staring at her. Her arms look like they want to drop to her side for a second before they pull up tight again, bent at the elbows. Then I catch her sneaking a glance in my direction. My instincts tell me to look away, but I defy my nerves and lock eyes with her. I break into a natural smile and I can see the edges of her mouth turn upwards briefly before she looks away again. I know her! Well, that’s not strictly speaking true. I don’t actually know her, but I can see that she’s a relative of a guy I know named Jake. The features are very distinctive. I know he has a sister and I’ll be surprised if she isn’t her.

My attention is torn away as Martin says something to me. Again, I have difficulty hearing exactly what it is, but it’s something to do with starting to feel pissed. I find it funny that we drink alcohol in these places and act surprised when we realise we’re getting drunk.

My musings almost prevent me from noticing that she’s left the dancefloor. My eyes follow her as she walks away towards the bar near the back. It’s quieter there than anywhere else in here. Has she gone there purposely? Does she want me to follow? Surely she has a fella. Am I just wasting my time if I go over talking? I imagine I’m not her type. I’m definitely not the most handsome bloke in the place. Though I may have started looking after myself physically in recent months I know my body isn’t great. I don’t have the defined abs or rock hard pecs. I don’t think I’m anything special facially either. I’ve been told I have nice eyes by a few women, but I never take compliments seriously. My combed over dark blonde hair was once as yellow as the sun, but dulled as the years passed by. I’m decidedly average. She’s anything but. I can’t let my inhibitions screw me now though.

“Tom; I’m just goin’ to the bar, mate,” I say aloud to my friend next to me. He just nods his head and carries on dancing. I cut through the few people that stand in my way and head for the bar where she stands alone. My head spins slightly as the reservations do their work, but I push them to the deep, dark recesses of my mind and approach the bar; standing right next to her. I make sure I’m close, but not too close as to make her feel uncomfortable. She’ll be well aware that I’ve followed her.

I can tell she’s noticed who I am from the corner of my eye. I turn my head to look at her fleetingly, but I glance a second too long and she catches me. I break into a nervous smile and that evokes the same from her. It’s a shy grin, but so damned alluring. It lights up her whole face. The bright green eyes behind her spectacles shimmer good-naturedly and provocatively, though unintentionally so. She seems to be happy with my presence if a little uncomfortable.

“Hi,” I simply say in an unexpectedly high-pitched greeting.
“Hi,” she responds.
“You’re Jake’s sister, right,” I ask; figuring it’ll be as good an icebreaker as anything.
“Yeah. How do you know that,” she asks back quizzically.
“It’s the resemblance. You look a lot like him”.
“I don’t know if I should be offended by that,” she says with a raised eyebrow.
“Well…” I wrack my brains in search of the right thing to say. “You’re obviously much prettier”.

She hesitates. I can see her blush and it’s extraordinarily cute. The reticence in her is very evident, but she seems to have enjoyed being complimented. It’s almost as though she isn’t used to hearing it, which strikes me as odd.

“I’d hope you think so if women are what you’re into”.
“Very much so,” I respond.

A silence follows and I immediately worry if I’ve come across as a bit too “laddish” with my declaration. In truth I’m not the kind of bloke who’s ever flitted from relationship to relationship and there’s only ever been the one incidence of a one night stand. I’ve been single for a few months now after my last girlfriend ended things somewhat abruptly.

The barman comes over. I don’t like this guy. He’s always had a bit of an attitude on him and proves my point by virtually throwing her drink at her and causing loads of it to spill.

“Three quid,” he says brusquely. I won’t stand for it.
“Excuse me,” I ask.
“I said that’s three pounds,” the barman responds with added attitude.
“Really? How about a please or thank you to go with it as well?”
“D’ya want me to call for the bouncers?”
“I want you to speak to your customers with respect; especially female customers,” I say with annoyance.
Screw this! I’m goin’ gettin’ the bouncers. I won’t be spoken to like this!”
“The manager here,” I say before he can waltz off. “Damien, right?”
“Uhm, yeah,” the barman responds; looking suddenly nervous.
“Good mate of mine is Damien. I might have to go upstairs and get him; tell him about your poor customer service skills. I know he’s not a fan of bar staff talkin’ to punters like scum”.
“You don’t know Damien,” the barman says; trying to call my bluff. Sadly for him I’m being deadly serious.
“Oh, don’t I? You’re obviously too young to recall me workin’ at his old bar, Freeman’s”.

Checkmate, sunshine! He looks at me like I’m something he’s trodden in, but I really don’t care at this juncture. I just want him to do his damned job properly.

“Three pounds, please,” he says pedantically.
“I’ll get it,” I interject.
“No; it’s fine,” she says quickly.
“Look; I insist,” I state in as friendly a tone as I can. I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable and worry I might be being overly chivalrous. Some women don’t like that.
“Thank you,” she says with a smile; putting me at ease. “What’s your name?”.
“Drew,” I confirm. “How about you?”
“I’m Melanie. It’s nice to meet you, Drew,” She says somewhat formally.
“Likewise,” I respond before turning to the barman. “A bottle of lager, please,” I request and then turn back to face Melanie. Her name suits her. “I haven’t seen you here before. Your first time?”
“No; I’ve been in here once or twice before, but it isn’t my regular. This isn’t my regular town if I’m honest”.
“Don’t even mention where you normally go out. I reckon I won’t like the answer,” I joke with a goofy sounding laugh; assuming she’s talking about the next town over.
“Probably not if this is where you usually come. This is massively upmarket in comparison,” She admits.
“This is nothing compared to the City. Have you been out around there?”
“Once, quite a long while ago,” she confirms with a slight look of distaste. “I didn’t exactly enjoy it”.
“I get dragged there a lot. I don’t much care for it myself truth be told,” I honestly declare.

She’s come out of her shell now and it’s good to see. She’s a really nice girl. There’s definitely some interest building here. I can feel it. With that in mind I decide to go for a more direct approach.

“I think you should start coming here more often. Don’t let the rude bar staff put you off,” I cajole as the barman comes over to hand me my beer. He looks at me funny as I hand over my payment before I return my attention to Melanie. She smiles at me and I can feel my knees weaken a little. I’m becoming more taken by the minute. “Maybe we should meet up sometime. You know…just you and I,” I say without really realising how forward I’m being.

She goes to respond and utters a few words, but I don’t hear them because of a loud voice booming from behind me. I know who it is immediately and I fear for what might be coming next. He incessantly cheers my name over and over while wrapping his arms around me and rubbing my pecs. It’s Liam and he’s obviously been on the charly again! I just want the ground to open up and swallow me. He finally stops after what feels like an age.

“How’s it goin’, mate,” he asks me followed by a series of sniffs.
“Well, I was attemptin’ to have a conversation, but then you came over actin’ a bellend,” I say seriously.

He shoots Melanie a glance that I really don’t care for. Clearly he isn’t impressed with my choice of woman, which doesn’t shock me. He’s into exactly the kind of woman that I never have been. The worst thing though is that he expects all us lads should be into exactly what he is and judges us when we choose anything but.

“Come on, lad. Ditch this munter and come chat to these bangin’ chicks I just got talkin’ to outside. Fit as fuck, all three of ‘em,” Liam says; as crass as he’s famed for.
“Liam, what the hell, dude!”
“Don’t be a dick, man” Liam replies. “Why are you wastin’ your night boostin’ the ego o’ this fat mess anyway?”

Now I’ve heard enough. This is low even by Liam’s barely existent standards. I turn and grab him by his shirt collars and I can feel my face flush with anger. He doesn’t care at all and just laughs at me which only serves to make me angrier.

“Why don’t you piss off and go ruin somebody else’s night you moron,” I exclaim through gritted teeth.
“Ooh, alright Mr Sensitive,” he cajoles; still laughing. “I’ll leave you to your fat bird”.

I shove him away roughly rather than give in to the urge to punch him in the face. He stumbles slightly, but quickly rights himself before walking away laughing. I’ll make him pay for this! All I can do right now is try and make Melanie feel better. The attack on her was cruel and I need to try and soothe what is surely a bruised ego. I touch her as lightly as I can on the shoulder.

“Melanie, I’m so sorry about that. He gets that way when he’s been sniffin’”.
“Okay,” she utters before a pause. “I’m going to go”.
“No; please don’t go because of him,” I plead desperately. “I promise he won’t talk to you like that again. I won’t let him”.
“You seem like a lovely guy, Drew, but if that’s the kind of company you choose to keep then I’m guessing you’re perhaps just doing this for some weird amusement or something. I won’t have the piss taken out of me”.
“What,” I ask in a somewhat high-pitched tone. “I’m not takin’ the piss and I wasn’t doin’ this to amuse anybody. I’m sure you noticed I’ve been lookin’ at you all night. I genuinely fancy you”.
“Sure you do. Great looking guys always throw themselves at me,” she mocks with a facetious smile.

She walks past me and I turn to grab her arm; worrying momentarily that I’ve been a bit rough, but she doesn’t look angry so I mustn’t have been too heavy handed. The regret in her eyes is plain to see. I know she doesn’t want to leave. She’s just embarrassed. I feel genuinely gutted for her and can understand why she’d just want to go.

“Melanie; please don’t go,” I beseech of her desperately.
“I’m sorry, Drew,” she mutters quietly. “I have to”.

Once again she turns and walks away. What do I do? I want to stop her and convince her that she’ll be okay with me, but I also don’t want to make her angry by trying to force her to do something that she isn’t comfortable with. My heart goes out to her. It tells me to go after her and at least get her number, but my mind says that I should just let her go. Too much damage has been done at this juncture.

I walk towards the entrance and watch as Melanie climbs into the back of one of the taxis that wait outside the bar. She glances towards the door and our eyes meet for the briefest of moments; long enough for me to see the tears well up in hers before she covers her face with her hands. I feel a lump in my throat. This is so sad! I rarely feel such a strong connection with women I meet, but Melanie is somebody special. I can see that only too clearly.

The taxi pulls away and every part of me wants to run over and stop it from going any further, but it’s away before I can do anything about it. She’s gone! I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again either. There must be a way I can find her. I have her brother on Facebook. Maybe I could search for her on there. I can’t just let her slip through my fingers. And I won’t. First things first though; I’m going to finish my beer…then I’m going to do what I should’ve done earlier and smash Liam’s face in!

22 thoughts on “Eyes on Her (Flash Fiction)

      1. That can only be construed as a damned high form of compliment. I could say the same of yours. I read other PTSD, trauma style blogs and I don’t feel gripped at all, but yours pulls me in every time with the raw emotion and, of course, your fantastic writing style 🙂 x

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Yay!!!! Reading this was *definitely* the best way to start a Saturday morning! I am so glad you followed up on the previous flash fiction. I love reading through Drew’s eyes. You truly captured the flutters of infatuation and flirtation very, very well. Dancing around infatuation and sexual tension without spelling it out explicitly is tough to write, and you executed it so brilliantly here. I hope Drew finds Melanie on FB and they get together!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Glad you liked it and grateful as ever for your support. Naturally I drew (no pun intended) on personal experiences from the past and put myself in the situation. I’ve found myself drawn to the not as obviously attractive girls in the past many times and, like Drew, I have a real thing against over the top makeup, fake hair and what not. Especially given how much their appearance alters once all of the stuff comes off. I may return to the story again in the future. We shall see 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are most welcome! 🙂 definitely the way to go if you’re not sure you want to commit to finishing out a full storyline – anytime soon anyway. It’s nice that you’ve left it open so you can come back to the characters at a later date if you want, but if you don’t the two perspectives stand well enough alone as a good flash fiction story ☺️

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It’s always good to have ideas to follow up on in the bank in case you get to an idea dry spell lol… I have an ideas book that I rarely use, but I’m starting to feel like I need to because I’ve had several of late and don’t want to forget any that I might not get around to anytime soon… 🙂 is definitely read further in this story, but I’d read pretty much everything you write I’d wager … so regardless of if more comes of this I’ll be invested in reading other current and future stories you’ll have on offer

        Liked by 1 person

      3. That’s because I’m bringing to you the gift of Paul.E.Bailey! Drink it in maaaaaaaaaaaan!
        That’s it. I’ve decided I want to be Chris Jericho. Haha. But seriously, I’m glad you’re so into everything I write. It’s really good to know that the effort I put in is paying dividends. Plus receiving praise from those who are great writers themselves never gets boring 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I agree… I get the warmest of fuzzy feelings when people I think are excellent writers praise me too… I just… seriously… not disliked anything you’ve written so far. You are very talented and interesting to me… so even if one day I come across something that makes me feel “meh” when I read it – it wouldn’t change my opinion of your writing as a whole… you consistently put out work to a high standard IMO
        I am so tempted to respond to your drink it in statement with my “Thirsty” bitmoji… hahaha … but I’ve yet to figure out how to add pictures in comments LOL

        Like

      1. It is very interesting to see what different feelings and sensations each person might feel in situations where they’re attracted. Blokes aren’t always quite as direct as you might imagine them to be

        Liked by 1 person

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