Paul.E.Bailey’s World – Living the Dream Part 8 (For the Love)

Of late I’ve been really struggling to come up with a theme for this particular blog series. Those who have been keeping up with Living the Dream will know that it centres around my past, present and future as a reader and writer and has encompassed many themes that centre around all of those things.

The problem is that I’ve been thinking too hard about it and as a result have even been thinking of knocking the series on the head because nothing is coming to me. That has been frustrating.

But something has been happening the past few weeks while I’ve been getting stuck into my fiction more so than ever before. I’ve been working hard on A Survivors Apocalypse Story and a couple of other ventures that are inbound in the not too distant future and do you know what? I’m really loving my writing of late. I mean I’m really enjoying it probably more than ever. I’m excited to sit down and get my laptop open.

It’s like being in a sweetshop deciding which one of my ventures I want to work on at that particular moment. They’re all unique and test my abilities in different ways. There are plenty of other irons in the fire too. I could be working on about four or five other things if I wanted as well, but it would likely be detrimental to take on too much at once.

The fact is though that the buzz of writing is there right now more than ever, which I’m grateful for as I was going through a patch of finding it hard to motivate myself before this. I think writing more fiction is definitely helping. I’ve said many a time before and I’ll say it again; I prefer writing fiction so much more than non-fiction. I like creating and using my imagination. I don’t feel writing real life stories or factual pieces fulfils me regardless of how good those pieces might be.

Since the age of twelve I’ve been writing fiction stories and they’re what I’m best at. They’re what I love the most about writing. Some may argue that it’s because I don’t want to offer too much of myself to my followers and I suppose they could be right, but I never started writing because I wanted to sell myself to people as a person. I’ve only ever wanted to sell myself as a fiction writer. If anything, I feel I may have sold myself too much thus far. I don’t mind leaving myself vulnerable by writing about more personal things, but that was never the aim of this blog.

I feel the sharing has come as a result of reading the blogs of those who share so much of themselves. Maybe subconsciously I feel I owe everyone in that respect because they’ve been so open, but I really don’t feel that suits me. I’m not saying for one second that I’m going to stop posting the occasional bit of non-fiction or real life, but I’ll never be able to write such things with the conviction or enthusiasm I write fiction. I personally feel that what’s going on in my head is far more interesting than me in general.

Another thing that has helped is writing things without being so damned organised about it. A Survivors Apocalypse Story is the first story of length I ever started writing that had no detailed synopsis. It had no synopsis at all. I just started writing it after having read the first couple of chapters of Kira’s Just Another Apocalypse Diary (and gaining her permission beforehand of course). I continue to work without a synopsis and take each sub chapter as it comes which is providing me some immense creative freedom. I’m doing the same with the other two things I’m working on too and my confidence in writing that way is growing at a rate of knots.

I’ve always loved writing, but I’m more in love with it now than ever. It’s my therapy. It’s my release. It’s my escape. Writing is a massive part of me and it’s become something I can’t do without. Dare I say it, writing has become a more vital lifeline to me than music. That may be a premature statement, but the fact I’m even considering that writing could be more vital to me than music is something ground-breaking on a personal level.

I was driving along ten minutes ago having just collected the shopping from Asda and listening to arguably my favourite song along the way. Sure, I was singing along and feeling the good vibes that song always sends through me, but I got distracted for at least a minute of it because I was thinking about one of the three things I’m working on and what direction to take it in. Even arguably my favourite song is fighting for its life!

When I started blogging, I had planned to be posting more frequently by now; perhaps almost daily. I am posting more frequently, but I don’t think I’ll ever be the kind of person who posts every day. It’s not that I don’t think I could do it. I reckon I could. My issue with posting daily is that I feel I’d end up writing a lot of stuff for the sake of it and some of it would lack substance. That would eventually lead to me writing because I feel I simply have to and a lack of enjoyment would surely follow. The last thing I want to do is kill writing by being too prolific.

All I ever wanted was a job I enjoy doing. I have enjoyed jobs in the past, but it’s never been anything more than a brief honeymoon period. The word ‘job’ in itself screams of being a direct antithesis of fun. Writing isn’t a job yet as I don’t receive pay for it so at the moment it remains nothing more than a hobby. A hobby I feel so much passion for that it borders on obsession. In fact, I’d say I’ve leapt that border recently. I don’t want writing to be a hobby. I want it to be my job. I want it to be what brings money into the house. To know that the thing I do as a hobby is also what I do to make a living would be a dream come true.

I’ve got a long way to go before that dream filters its way into real life and in the meantime I really don’t mind doing it for nothing. I don’t mind at all. I love it. I love writing. I’m already living the dream. Here’s to all of you who love writing too. We’re the lucky ones. Let’s hope that nothing happens to tarnish the love we feel.

How do you feel about writing? What do you hope to get out of doing it? Is blogging helping you become a more complete writer? Do you prefer to read fiction or real life stories? As ever, I’d love to read your thoughts in the form of a comment below so please do so and I’ll do all I can to get back to you in timely fashion. Thank you for reading and for your continued support of my endeavours.

50 thoughts on “Paul.E.Bailey’s World – Living the Dream Part 8 (For the Love)

  1. Hello! This is a great post. I understand that fiction is your thing and it’s totally reasonable to pull back from more personal posting. You can’t all me like me innit 😂😂 Over share central 😂 I’m so glad writing fills you with such satisfaction 🙂 I feel the same. My writing times of the day are when everything flows and I lose myself in the moment. You’re awesomely talented and I can’t wait to see your progression to published writer ❤ You’re gonna take on the fiction world! I love your clever brain whatever you write about (unless it’s super scary and gory as I’m a wuss🙈haha) Every blogger goes in certain directions that after a while feel slightly ‘off’…but that’s okay, it’s helping you to hone your skills and sharpen your personal awareness of who the fuck Paul e bailey is 😊 I write such personal content and delete a lot of it after a while thinking omg, how could I have published that 😂 but it felt like the right thing to do at the time I wrote it. It’s a steep learning curve….but we’re doing pretty fab at this blogging lark from where I can see 🙂 X *hugs*

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    1. I think the difference between you and I is that you have stories to tell about your life that need to be communicated. I don’t think there’s anything really worth me telling and if I do so it’s because I’m in the mood to. What’s going on in my head is a damn sight more interesting than what goes on or has gone on in my life, but that is of course just my opinion. I know you really enjoy my real life stuff. I will continue to do it of course, but it’ll likely be sporadic as and when I think of something of any interest with which to regale everyone. I just hope people like what I do if and when I get published. I’m not bothered about fame or abundant riches. I just want people to genuinely enjoy my work. You’ve definitely got a buyer in me when you get published. A promoter too 🙂 xxx

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      1. Hey! Latest reply to a comment ever 😂 Sorry. I’m in a bit of an episode lately…hopefully a very short one 😠 I would love for you to buy a copy of my book (s) 😊😊😊 and promote them, hell yeah! How are you doing? X

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      2. It doesn’t take long to share shit on various social media formats, though you’d think it was extremely difficult for many (unless it’s a video of something falling over of course).
        I’m fair to middlin’. Getting that “I want to get back into work” itch, but still being notoriously picky about what job I want xxx

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      1. Yes, it’s why I have I don’t write nonfiction generally. I just can’t see how/why someone would be interested in my opinion on things. It kills the writing muse.
        Next time your criticising yourself just think…Well I know Kira and Rae, those beautiful goddesses of writing, will want to read it. I mean..who else matters! Lol

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      2. You speak beautiful truths sister friend! Lol but also… I’ve told Paul before when discussing a memory story of mine – he said he had no interesting stories like that… and I was like… dude this is literally just a story about me getting drunk and puking in a toilet… you (both) have the story telling gift and that transcends fiction vs non fiction. It’s all in the how you write it not what the topic is in my opinion! Either way, if you ever give it a go you know Paul and I would care to read it!! 😊

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      3. I had blue plaid pants too 😂 they were so comfy! I didn’t wear jncos myself, but boyfriends wore jncos… and hubby still wears his old jnco shirts on occasion. I like the look of the shorts on guys… I’m a bit stuck on 90s male fashion Lol I still find it (for the most part) attractive…. ok now you can commence your mocking… 😂

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      4. I was never a fan of baggy pants. But I would not mock. I still melt for grunge style. Lol
        I loved the body suits, they were awesome! They’re actually selling them in the stores again. Haha I would look all kinds of wrong in one now though.

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      5. Oh me too… guh not nearly as skinny as I was back then! I wore a bit of everything… baggy skater sometimes, other times the itty bitty flowery sundresses and daisy dukes etc… either super baggy or super tight, not much in between I’m afraid! Lol grunge is pretty hot… I also loved the funky button up shirts guys would wear… and chains… gosh… lol I actually wrote a post about this awhile back 😂

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      6. I’ve never seen my hubby in full 90s regalia, it would be disconcerting I think if he’d pull out chains etc now… lol but certain exes I’m still friends with sometimes dress 90s reminiscent and it just seems so right… lol

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      7. Oooohhh myyyy but I did like the punks too. Let’s be honest, boys in general must have been my thing… 😂 my first major boyfriend went back and forth between skater and punk depending on his mood/activity, regardless he wore lots of chains 😛 my hubby has a long red beard now. He is very much the good old country boy

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      8. Spending time in the midwest gave me a major weakness for a pair of wranglers and a cowboy hat!
        Lol, you know I think your right. It’s just hot men in general I guess. Haha
        Only outfit that does nothing for me is a suit. Or a yuppy. Blek.

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      9. Yup that rarely turns me on… unless of course the man in it is exceptionally good looking… lol but yeah I could go for most types if they have good features 🙂 Military men really do it for me too lol… completely opposite aesthetic to punks and grunge etc 😂

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      10. Lol I had a friend tell me that she almost wrecked checking out a US Army guy running along the side of the road in Australia 😂 my bff Dane just retired from being an Army officer and I won’t deny he is one of the hottest guys I know… I have always had a place in my heart for Marines too 😏

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      11. Women and their jibber-jabber 😂 I can just picture you pair of pervs getting nipple erections over army guys. Haha. You got me thinking about what my style was when I was younger, but I never really conformed to a style. I’ve always just gone with what I felt comfortable in

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      12. You know us so well… errr me at least 😂 I’ve had a few themes… a few guys that were similar in looks/style that I’ve liked… but it’s true that there definitely has been a range that has struck my fancy over the years for various reasons 🙂 there are still certain classics that’ll get to me every time though…. 😏😉

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      13. I’ve never had a “type”. I’ve either fancied somebody or I haven’t. There have been those women that blokes seem to trip over themselves for and I haven’t thought anything of them at all while there have been others that might not strike most as anything special and I’ve found them massively desirable. I’ve never been “normal”

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      14. In general, at least where my bffs are concerned, I tended to be the odd duck out in what I found attractive in high school usually. Oh let’s just say it – mainly they hated Dan 😂 but yeah I don’t usually tend to go for the overly popular guys… if girls are tripping themselves over him he is likely aware of it and stuck up … and… I’ve always suspected you aren’t “normal” 😒 hmmmm…. lol 😂

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  2. Oh I also wanted to say – post daily if and when you want… if you have the inspiration to do so… no need to stick stringently to a schedule though when you don’t feel you have something worth posting. And to answer some of your questions at the end: I obviously love writing and what I get out of it is a cathartic feeling much of the time… especially when it comes to my real life stuff. I prefer my real life stuff a) because of the above mentioned catharsis and b) because I feel as though I’m better at it – write what you know and all that. I’m getting much more comfortable and steadily more confident in my fiction, but don’t feel I’m up to your level of skill with it yet…. I do feel that blogging for the past nearly two years has helped me fine tune some of my writing especially when I use it as a sounding board before writing for a book. I do wish one day to also be able to have a nice income from writing- to be able to live off of it would be amazing- but I’m not confident enough to believe that it will actually happen that way. I hope to start forging a path with my writing in my real name as well so I don’t have to hide behind the pseudonym for future projects… ok ok that’s enough… off to bed with me 😛

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    1. I’d be shocked to find more than a handful of bloggers who don’t have the dream of getting published. I occasionally get the idea to look for a blogging job just to keep my hand in, but then I worry that I’ll be tainting the thing I love by basically writing totally for money rather than writing about something that actually means anything to me. Adding money to things usually means you take out some of the essence to make space for the money *MESSAGE* (Sorry, I got Don’t Be A Menace in my head there). I disagree that you’re not up to my level with fiction. I’ve really enjoyed all the fiction of yours that I’ve read. You keep the subject relative and that means you can write it with a greater emotional attachment and it shows. You’re a better wordsmith than I am too

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      1. I fear we will go round and round with the “no you’re better! No you are!” Soon… lol. Seriously though I’m pleased you think so and I know my confidence is something to work on… husband has scolded me about that before… I don’t know about being better at anything than you, but I appreciate that you think so… so I’ll be gracious and thank you ☺️ I feel like I need to branch out with my fiction maybe though… a lot of it tends on the same themes. Again with the write what I know… anyway I get what you mean, it would be nice to get paid for blogging/writing commercially but I agree doing such would probably taint my love for it… it wouldn’t be me writing, it would be the corporate machine or some such entity and that would be soul sucking I think

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      2. I’m gonna come clean. the only reason I want to get published is so I can have other authors ask me to put recommendations on their books and the only recommendation I’ll put for everybody is “The guy I read” regardless of gender in homage to the recommendation on EVERY Clive Cussler book. I think it’s Stephen Coonts who gives the recommendation and it’s always amused me for some reason.
        So there. Doesn’t answer anything in your comment, but it doesn’t matter because you’re the guy I read!

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  3. Well I for one find you super interesting lol… but I get what you’re saying 🙂 you are a fiction writer so naturally we expect mostly fiction from you… sometimes I feel I actually give too much of myself in my blog, but then… that’s what my blog and books are based on. Just plain me. Now that I’m even opening up more as far as certain names and images I’m finding it hard to reconcile the things I tried to keep hidden in the past. I’m not sure what point I’m trying to make… anyway I’m glad that writing has been even more of a joy to you of late and I hope that joy exponentially grows in the future! I also wish you all the success in making it your full time job in the future! You certainly have the talent and I believe you are deserving of it. Good luck! 😊

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    1. I certainly cast no judgement on those who share their lives on their blog. I don’t agree with absolutely everything every blogger does (referring to the meme and three line non-rhyming “poem” ones), but writing about life and personal experiences is definitely not something I disagree with. In fact I really enjoy reading a lot of those kinds of posts. I just don’t want to give too much of myself away personally. I feel I already probably have, but what’s done is done. As I say, it’s all about the escape when it comes to fiction writing. I find the world a bit of a shitty place a lot of the time so what better than to ignore it and concentrate on one of my creation?
      I’ve always upheld that becoming rich and famous is not what the writing is for. I’d be happy just to make enough off it to get by and do it full-time. Only I can make it happen ultimately though

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      1. I suppose you have given a bit away about yourself, but rest assured it’s not nearly as much as us reality writers ☺️ I think you’ve probably given the most about yourself in comment streams more than your actual posts… but then again maybe not. I dunno I’m tired and rambling at this point 😂 I’ll have to get back to WordPress socialising / conversation later in the day lol

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      2. It sounds like you might just need to bloody well sleep woman! Haha.
        No, I haven’t given much of myself away at all compared to people like you and Summer to name but two, but as I’m rather a closed book I definitely feel I’ve overshared in comparison to my norm

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      3. I’ve gotten a couple hours in, but it’s light tossing and turning now… lol and the call of WordPress notifications are strong 😂 I know I know I should turn my alert sounds off for a bit… buuuut…. well I for one am glad you’ve shared at all. I think you are an interesting person, as I’ve already said… but I also understand that it may have made you uncomfortable at times. But you do you, if you don’t want to open your book further then don’t… you control what you release to us… don’t feel pressured to share what you wouldn’t otherwise 🙂 I know I’m a wide open book for the most part… sometimes I question if that’s actually a good thing or not…

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