Paul.E.Bailey’s World – Shiver Me Timbers…Said No Pirate Ever!

“Why are pirates called pirates? ‘Cause they aaaaarrrrr!”

No they don’t. They never did neither!

I’m into a lot of weird and wonderful things and one of those things is pirates. I like pirates so much that I have a skull and crossbones keyring that I’ve owned for perhaps over a decade. I’ve even written a story about them. Yes; pirates are my thing.

However, I’m a realist when it comes to pirates. I respect the dangerous, tyrannical and rebellious folk they were (and indeed still are). I’m irritated by the stereotype that has come about since the Errol Flynn movies of the mid-20th century because that’s what everybody genuinely believes pirates of the early 1700’s were.

I’m here to lay some stereotypes to rest. This has been done before on other blogs I’ve read, but if people weren’t blogging about similar things to what others have done then nobody would be blogging at all!

  • Peg legs and hooks – You only need to apply some common sense here. Let’s imagine a swashbuckler gets gangrene or loses a leg in battle. Do you really think that they had the medical provisions on board to cauterise the wound and then strap a bit of wood in the leg’s place? Or a hook where the hand used to be because there would just happen to be a hook conveniently lying around? It’s utter nonsense when you think about it. Most times, the unfortunate soul would bleed out and die (in the case of gangrene, the cook would use a kitchen knife to hack their extremity off), but if they did somehow survive, what use would they have been on a vessel with a missing limb? The 1700’s weren’t like today where prosthetics better than actual limbs exist. Imagine somebody with a peg leg on a vessel during a heavy storm. As you can no doubt see by now, it’s simply not feasible; whether Robert Louis Stevenson thought so or not.
Captain Hook
Dustin Hoffman as Captain James Hook in ‘Hook’ (1991)

 

  • Walk the plank, ye scurvy dog – Contrary to popular belief, this was a practice very rarely used in piracy. Apparently, Stede Bonnet (about the most useless pirate that ever sailed the seas), used the punishment according to Wikipedia (ever trusty Wikipedia), however, I’ve found no other reference to the fact. Other than the psychological side of things, walking the plank makes little sense; not when there were so many other forms of punishment and torture available. Marooning for example, or how about a good keel hauling? Walking the plank is, once again, something popularised by fiction writers.
Stede Bonnet
Stede Bonnet is the only pirate captain recorded as having made people walk the plank

 

  • Aaaaarrrrr!There’s only one man who makes us think pirates made this noise; the aforementioned Errol Flynn. I believe it was in the movie Captain Blood (I’ve never seen it so I can only go off what I’ve heard – and I call myself a pirate fan) where Flynn played a West Country pirate and every so many words would blurt out ‘aaaaarrrrr’. The stereotype was born and everybody jumped on it. The fact that not all pirates came from the West Country is apparently immaterial!
Captain Blood
The dashing Errol Flynn in ‘Captain Blood’ (1935)

 

  • The skull and crossbones – I would like to point out that the skull and crossbones DID exist and WAS used, but not by all pirates. More than likely just the one. Most of the time, pirates would use a simple black or red flag with no markings. When they did use designs on their flag there were many varied ensigns. Blackbeard, for example, had a skeleton holding an hourglass in one hand and a spear in the other that they were using to stab a love heart. Look it up if you don’t believe me. Some designs were weirder still. However, the skull and crossbones was not the go to ensign that we have all been led to believe it was.
Jolly Roger
One of two original ‘Jolly Roger’ flags on display at St Augustine Pirate & Treasure Museum in Florida

 

  • Accordion music – I will make this one as succinct as I can. The accordion was first made sometime in the 1820’s. That effectively kills the stereotype of pirates and accordion music. I’m interested to know where it’s even come from. Sure, they sang and played instruments to keep up morale, but the accordion was never used.
Accordion
The accordion didn’t exist during the Golden Age of Piracy

 

  • Buried treasure – This, for me, is the stupidest fable of the lot. Why would a pirate want to bury his treasure? So it would accrue interest? Because they thought money trees would grow? What pirates did with their money was thus; spend it. Most pirates were lucky to last a couple of years in the game before they met a grizzly end, so when they happened across riches they’d use said riches to let their hair down and have a damned good time. If treasure was ever buried then it was likely that they’d return to get it only days later. Although, the story of Captain William Kidd amuses me. After capture, he allegedly told his captors where he’d buried his treasure to barter his release. So they went and found his treasure and then hanged him anyway. D’oiiiii!
William Kidd
William Kidd bribed his captors with the location of his buried treasure, but they executed him anyway once they found it

 

  • Polly want a cracker? – The parrot on the shoulder. Imagine a pirate who’s constantly fighting to exist having the time to train a wild bird to perch on his shoulder and talk. The Caribbean was filled with the vibrantly coloured birds, but it was more likely that, if a pirate happened across a submissive parrot, he’d kill it and eat it.
parrot
Tongueless Cotton and his parrot in ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl’ (2003)

 

As we can see, our fanciful ideas of how pirates got about their day are built on a foundation of quicksand. I’m sorry if I’ve ruined your day. Never fear; some rumours are true. Like the eyepatch, for example. Pirates were forever going outdoors to indoors so, to combat the problem of not being able to see when going from blazing sunlight to the darkness below decks, they often did use an eyepatch or a bandana to keep one eye accustomed to the darkness. It wasn’t just a fashion accessory.

Pirates were deadly and dangerous men who lived a bloody and uncertain life. They were renegades and rebels who refused to be bound by the oppressive powers of the time and instead chose to live as free men. Yes, they were nasty characters who bullied innocents, but how did that make them any different from those in charge?

They’re mooted by popular culture to be fun characters; perhaps a bit dim-witted and daft, but scratch the surface and you, like I have, might realise that they were nothing like what Disney tells us they were.

Blackbeard
Edward ‘Blackbeard’ Teach, perhaps the most famous of all pirates. His reign was as prolific as it was short

 

While I have a breath in my body, I’ll always attempt to educate the ignorant where pirates are concerned, but it’ll ultimately only serve to frustrate me as the stereotype will live on and on. Perhaps I should stop fighting. Perhaps I should go with the flow and just swig me rum, walk the plank, bury me treasure, pillage, plunder and aaaaarrrrr!

Do you have any questions or comments? Perhaps a nugget of info I’ve missed or something you think I’m wrong about? Comment below and I’ll get back to you in timely fashion.

If you’re interested in learning more about pirates then might I suggest a look at Rob Ossian’ Pirate’s Cove? Full of useful information and entertaining to boot.

20140115_112521
Blackbeard had nothing on me!

21 thoughts on “Paul.E.Bailey’s World – Shiver Me Timbers…Said No Pirate Ever!

    1. A lot of it is just plain common sense. Who’d willingly bury cash? You’d just spend it, right? Haha. Most of the time pirates weren’t even looking for money. They were looking for food.

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  1. I’ve just discovered this early post of yours thanks to the link you provided in your Six Months Later post. I had no idea you were such the expert on pirates – very cool! I love any kind of myth debunking, so this was educational. The eye patch explanation makes perfect sense but would never have occurred to me otherwise. Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, I think the eyepatch fact is brilliant because when you hear it you immediately think “ah, makes sense”.
      I kinda had to brush up on my pirate knowledge owing to my novel which is very piratical in nature (or at least it will be beyond the first instalment). Having said that, I knew a decent amount about the subject prior to coming up with the idea for the novel. They’ve always been of interest to me

      Liked by 1 person

      1. To be fair, we don’t actually know how good-looking Edward Thatch was. He could have been a sexy bastard for all we know. Calico Jack was definitely popular with the ladies and apparently so too Benjamin Hornigold

        Liked by 1 person

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